John Mayer is a passive aggressive dick, Bears shit in the woods, Water is wet

No longer satisfied with holding a press conference outside his gym, Mayer tells his story of how he dumped the "fantastic" Jennifer Aniston to Rolling Stone

IDC if you hate Aniston; you have to admit she doesn't deserve to have this B-List Asshole repeatedly put her business in the streets

John Mayer on why he dumped Jennifer Aniston, and now masturbates so much
January 20, 2010, (Sawf News) - John Mayer is Rolling Stone's new issue cover story and has much to say, provided you have the stomach to read it. He even has some advice for Tiger Woods: Learn to jerk off!

He isn't over Jennifer Aniston as yet, John says, at least not over gloating about the fact that it was he who dumped her. [via OK]
"I've never really gotten over it. It was one of the worst times of my life," he starts, harmlessly before compulsively stoking his ego.

"I have this weird feeling, a pride thing, for the people I've had relationships with. What would I be saying to Jen, who I think is f**ing fantastic, if I said to her, 'I don't dislike you. In fact, I like you extremely well. But I have to back out of this because it doesn't arc over the horizon. This is not where I see myself for the rest of my life, this is not my ideal destiny."

John says he has stopped dating now and started " to f**k the girls I've already f**ked," because girls can't believe he could be "interested in them, and they're going, 'But you're John Mayer!'"

"Blowing me off is the new sucking me off!" he says.

And, maybe you don't want to read this, John explains how he has stayed busy…

"I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn't pick up because I'm masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion."

Care to pick up the new issue of Rolling Stone?


Last time, Mayer told a bunch of paps on video outside his gym how awesome Aniston is while casually mentioning that he dumped her. Now he's taken his passive aggressive douchebag shtick to Rolling Stone. It's like he wants everyone to know that he dumped her, but he doesn't want to come off like an asshole so he throws in a bunch of shit about how great she is. What this brain-trust doesn't seem to realize is: making sure everyone knows he dumped her both times makes him an asshole no matter how many compliments he peppers in.