Full Us Weekly interview with Lindsay Lohan



US Weekly cover story, April 20, 2009

Amid fears that she might hurt herself, Lindsay Lohan opens up to Us about her split and humiliating showdown with Samantha Ronson.



"It was torture," Lindsay Lohan tells Us of the night she was dumped by her DJ girlfriend, Samantha Ronson, and humiliated by former friends like Nicole Richie. "The worst night of my life." In the early morning hours of April 4, Lohan was barred from a party Ronson, 31, was hosting for her sister Charlotte in their brother Mark's suite at the Chateau Marmont in West Hollywood. The actress, who was staying with her mother, Dina and sister, Ali, in the room directly one floor above, "went mental," says a source, when she repeatedly tried to gain entry and was denied. On April 6, the Ronson family (with a noticeably absent Samantha) went to a Beverly Hills police station to ask for help. "They were directed to the court to get a restraining order," the station's watch commander confirmed to Us.

That same day, in several calls and e-mails, an agitated, verbose and often crying Lohan, 22, gave a wildly different version of what happened at the Chateau than from what multiple sources described to Us, and underscored her believe that the Ronson family -- not Sam -- was keeping the couple apart. "I talked to Samantha on Sunday," Lohan told Us. "It's not like, Oh my God, we're terrified of each other." A source close to Samantha, however, begs to differ: "The truth is, Lindsay is nuts. Samantha wanted out of this situation ever since she broke up with her. Lindsay just won't understand. Sam has her family and friends for support. They have been nothing but good to Lindsay." Concurs a close Lohan friend: "Lohan's state has just devolved completely. She has no grip on reality and feels the world is against her."

Indeed, several Lohan insiders shared their concern that Lohan could harm herself over the split. "She should be institutionalized at this point," warns the close friend of the avowed Marilyn Monroe worshipper. So what about those suicidal thoughts friends sorry over? Lohan laughed about them, among other topics, when she spoke exclusively to Us' Leslie Bruce and Ian Drew about getting dumped by her girlfriend of more than two years, being made a fool of by the people she thought were friends and concerns about her cash flow and future.

That Night

The April 3 evening at the Chateau was slated to toast the launch of Charlotte's new I Heart Ronson clothing line with J.C. Penney, and according to a Ronson family source, "Sam told Lindsay not to come to the afterparty at Mark's room, but Lindsay can't control herself and has stalked her on a whole new level." Sam, adds the family source, "officially told Lohan it's over and wants nothing to do with her until Lindsay seeks help." Consequently, says another pal, "the family sent Lindsay an e-mail to stay away from Charlotte's event."

Lindsay: I was set up. Her sister invited everyone from LA to the hotel and then sent me an e-mail saying that she didn't want me to come. And I never even tried to get into the party -- I had been staying at the Chateau for three days [she moved out of the Hollywood Hills home she shared with Sam] and I only walked in there because this guy that I thought was my friend said Samantha wanted to talk to me. I walk in, and she's in the bathroom crying, and someone's standing in front of the door and I walked into a room with maybe six people, and within seconds, the room was so full, it was like a f--king show. Her mother starts saying things to me, and I hear Samanth crying, and I was like "What is going on? This is horrible." And they asked me to leave, and I was like, "What do you guys think I'm going to do?: So when I was leaving, the friend started screaming, "Get the f--k out of here." And then Nicole Richie walks by and goes, "Uck," and I don't know what I've ever done to her. Drea de Matteo walked out of the room and said, "Come at me, bitch." Her brother, Mark, who I had just talked to half an hour ago and he was completely nice, is now saying, like, he's going to call the cops on me. They had to embarrass me. It's not fair: I'm a f--king 22-year old girl who's in love. I felt like I was in Mean Girls, but worse: Mean Girls was a fake movie."

The actress then returned to the room she was sharing with her mom and little sister, which a source says she booked to be directly above Mark's suite in an effort to keep tabs on Sam. It was then, says the Ronson family source, that Lohan began Twittering about, among other things, the noise level downstairs, Charlotte needing to lose at least 14 pounds and her heartbreak over the perceived betrayal. "I'm doing this publicly because you and your friends call People mag... so you win, you broke my heart." (Sam's rep had no comment for this story, nor did the Ronson family).

Lindsay: None of this garbage is true. I was there for three days before they even came to the hotel -- in my room. They're banging on my room above -- it's like they got that room on purpose. Someone hacked into my Twitter page and had fake conversations. The only person who knows my password was at the party. Someone obviously doesn't want us together. I can't catch a break; they had to embarrass me. And then I got prank calls to my room saying Samantha's cheating on me, that's why she was in the batroom... And I know this isn't true.

At 6AM, says the Ronson pal, "she came back to Mark's room looking for Sam and tried to kick the door down! She was having a complete nervous breakdown."

Lindsay: Kicking at the door? Oh please. They're making me sound like I'm crazy, like I beat her. I'm the girl that wakes up to feed the dog. It's not fair and I wish I could find out what's going on. It was scary for me. The worst part: I was so alone. I'm so alone. I was with my mom and sister, but no one called, only two of my friends called. Everyone's turned on me. No one called me, no one asked how I was. Samantha told me she would never break my heart or do anything to hurt me.

But earlier in the evening -- at Charlotte's official J..C. Penney bash at the hotel's Bar Marmont -- there were similarly dramatic run-ins when a determined Lohan was set on getting into the party. "Literally five bodyguards from the Chateau were assigned to keep Lindsay out," says a source. Undeterred, "she literally snuck around back behind the bungalows to try and get in that way," says the source. "Everyone was invited to this party but Lindsay."

Lindsay: "I wasn't invited? Sam invited me. J.C. Penney invited me. I'm closing a deal with them. I told Charlotte, 'You really shouldn't have done that, because I'm going to talk to J.C. Penney and they invited, me Charlotte.' I was like, 'That's really unprofessional. And disrespectful. And really? I mean, I'm dating your sister and I've been nothing but supportive of you. I have never bad-mouthed you, I have never asked for anything.'

Heartbreak Hotel

So what broke them up? Sources say Sam's brother and sister were instrumental in splitting the on-and-off couple for good. In fact, people are intervening, saying Sam needs to stay away from Lohan, says a source close to the couple. "They took Sam for an intervention, but she walked out to call Lindsay! Clearly they want Sam to stay away but Sam obviously doesn't think so." The last straw? "Mark being persuasive," the close Lohan pal says of the elder brother, the producer behind Amy Winehouse's and Lily Allen's breakout hits. "Mark and Charlotte think Lindsay is the worst thing to happen to Sam." Richie also intervened, says another source, "telling Samantha that if she wants to come to dinner, then don't bring Lindsay. She's too dramatic."

Lindsay: I don't like the drama that gets created around me -- I'm not a mess. It's not my fault. I have done nothing for anyone to treat me like this and it's heartbreaking. I fell in love, I didn't sign up for this crap. Maybe her family can accept the two of us being together and not try and break something by getting involved, and not letting the two people in it fix it on their own, like adults. Why do all these people have to be involved? It's like I'm dating all of them. I love Samantha. I'm so alone without her.
Her friends have been sending her lies -- she never used to believe that s--t, and they're throwing it in her face, convincing her that I cheated on her, like five different times.

In February, after, a source says, she flirted with Gossip Girl's heartthrob Chace Crawford all night at NYC eatery Southern Hospitality, Lohan was spotted late-night in the lobby of his Manhattan apartment building. Speculation ensued that she wanted a hookup.

Lindsay: What?! Can I not be friends with people? People follow Samantha at all hours. there are nights when she's out I don't know who she's with or when she's out of town. I mean, come on. I mean, come on.
I'm with a girl. Why would I -- I mean [gets really flustered], I mean, really? No. I have no reason to f--king do that. I -- I --- I'm not that kind of person to do that. I've felt how it feels, and therefore I would never do that. And I was so mad when she accused me of that because I was like, You don't even -- you know me better than that. you've known me for nearly five years. And I gave my heart to you.

Suicide Fears

From the time Lohan and Sam's relationship first garnered notice -- when Sam was with Lohan the May 2007 night the actress crashed her car and got her first DUI and another try at rehab -- they have left turmoil in their wake, usually in form of late-night jealous fights. (See box, page 66 - Their rocky relationship with 1 pic from May 07, 1 from May 08, 1 from Feb '09, 2 from Mar '09 and 1 from Apr '09). "After Lindsay got sober," says a mutual pal, "her new drug became Samantha." The actress, who once railed against the likes of Scarlett Johansson getting roles she felt she deserved, now seemed only to compete for Sam's attention. A Lohan source confirmed last month that Sam had repeatedly tried to break up with her, but each time, "Lindsay threatens to kill herself -- she cares about her but wants out." Adds a close friend: "She needs to get help because she could harm herself."

Lindsay: I'm OK, I'm just really hurt! I'm going to get out of town. My mom and sister are with me. We're working today. I'm OK. I still don't want to be in a bad position with Sam's family, but how do I know it wouldn't happen again? I never thought that I would have to go through this in my life. I'm just trying to be with my family, take care of myself, clean my house, get my work going. I'm going what's good for me. I haven't done that in a very long time.

Out of Money

As for her current cash woes, Lohan, once called "a fantastic actress" by no less than costar Meryl Streep, told Nylon in March, "It's scary when you realize, Oh, my God, I'm not working. And have a house to pay for now." How broke is the actress -- who recently boasted she and Sean Penn were trying to develop a movie with Seth Rogen (Rogen denied it)? "She's blown so much money on crap like shopping, traveling and partying," says a source. Indeed, that $115,000 Maserati she's been driving around is a loaner from a porn king. (See Hot Hollywood, page 4).But a source counters, "She's not completely broke. She has a tiny bit of money. And, to her credit, she's a hustler. (see box "Career Woes", below). After the article got out, Lohan "regretted letting everyone know how hard up she is," says a source. "She thinks if movie executives see how much she's struggling, no one will hire her. It costs so much to insure her on the set of a movie that she's starting to offer to pay for her own insurance rate."

Lindsay: Here's the thing: Everyone's told me to leave Samantha for so long because of what her friends have been doing. It's s--t like this that hurts my career. I don't know, I need to just -- this is hurting my f--king career. They say we're toxic, but I'm the one who takes care of her, makes sure she eats when she's traveling. Really? The position I was put in was really unnecessary and cruel. Yes, it's easy to target me as someone who does these things, but I don't. I got in trouble, but that's in my past and that was a long time ago, and Samantha was the only one who was there. She was there any time I needed her.

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