ONTD

4:33 pm - 11/22/2008

Top Ten Reasons NOT To Make Batman 3

Top 10 Reasons NOT to Make Batman 3

Brad has officially added Batman 3 to the RopeofSilicon database, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to get made, it just means hopes are getting high. Everyone and their mom wants Batman 3. Without a doubt I want it. Sooner the better. And ,of course, since The Dark Knight made a zillion dollars, there will be a third one within the next few years. No question on that happening. However, just because we demand another sequel doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the smart move to make one. So here’s just a few things - some serious, some not so - that should cause you to pause before whining about the wait for Batman 3.



10. Expect More Annoying Viral Sites

Oh God, as soon as Batman 3 is announced, the Warner Bros. marketing department will murder the Internet with viral sites. Yes, they will literally choke the Internet to death by unleashing 200 billion sites - none of which will add any substance to the film. I don’t know about you, but I like the Internet, and don’t want it to die. How else will I get my porn?

9. Don’t Let Christopher Nolan Become the Next Sam Raimi

I remember a time long, long ago when Sam Raimi wasn’t the guy who only directed Spider-Man movies. He was a geek idol, a horror-film madman with a fetish for zany camera movements and hell-bent on forcing his audiences to simultaneously laugh while vomiting. And he even shocked critics with the stone-cold masterpiece A Simple Plan. Yet, all he makes these days are Spider-Man flicks. I know I know, he just finished Drag Me to Hell (yay for going back to your roots), but then he signed up for Spider-Man 4 and Spider-Man 5, to be filmed back-to-back. What a waste.

Don’t get me wrong. I love that Warner Bros handed the Batman franchise over to Christopher Nolan. This guy is a brilliant director (with the exception of Following, all of his films have ended up on my Top 10 Lists). And that’s the problem. I want to see the films Nolan has up his sleeve not involving men playing dress-up. It was great he made The Prestige in-between Batman Begins and The Dark Knight. I only hope he does the same before Batman 3. Otherwise, he’ll risk following in Raimi’s footsteps.

8. Batman 3 Could Cause the Global Economic Meltdown to Go Nuclear

Often a sequel is referendum on the previous film. For instance, just about everyone liked Batman Begins. However, it didn’t break any box-office records. Yet the millions who liked it told others about it and those people caught it on DVD or TV and liked it. And then when The Dark Knight opened, everyone wanted to see it in the theater because they really enjoyed the first one. And that translated into a smash-fest of box-office records. Then what normally happens is that people don’t like the sequel as much as the first one, and so they don’t flock to the third film. However, just about everybody loved The Dark Knight. So that means when part 3 opens, EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD will skip work and see this film opening day. If you think the global economy is bad now, Batman 3 will vaporize it. Think about this. Nothing in the entire world will get done for one day, perhaps even 3 if it opens on a Wednesday and everyone sees it again during the following days. Companies will go bankrupt from the billions lost in work productivity. Utter chaos. However, the upside is that Warner Bros., the one company in the entire world left in business, will have a nice day at the stock market and pretty much own Earth afterwards.

7. If EVERYONE Isn’t Back Then Just Don’t Make the Film

Yes, this is slightly contradictory to “Don’t Let Christopher Nolan Become the Next Sam Raimi.” However, if either Christopher Nolan and his writer brother Jonathan, Christian Bale, Gary Oldman, Michael Caine or Morgan Freeman don’t return for part 3, then why bother? Threequels often go awry because the original filmmakers or actors move on and the studio replaces them with hacks (paging Joel Schumacher and Brett Ratner). Every one of these guys is instrumental in the success of this franchise. Yes, even Caine and Freeman are integral. Their roles may be small. Yet, their performances lend a level of gravitas and credibility that has helped Nolan’s Batman transcend the popcorn flick stigmata.

6. Its Awesomeness Could Kill People

Perhaps Christopher Nolan will top the awesomeness of The Dark Knight. However, if he does, that will truly test the limits of how much awesomeness the human mind can take. And I wager that such awesomeness can kill.

5. How Do You Top Heath Ledger’s Joker? You Probably Can’t (TRUFAX)

I don’t know how you top Heath Ledger’s Joker, in both performance and character. Two-Face was a viable option. But noooo. Christopher Nolan had to create an epic and include Batman’s two greatest foes within the same film and kill off the one who could truly follow-up the Joker (Two-Face IS dead, deal with it). So since Nolan blew his wad, there’s a decent chance the next villain could be a major letdown, After all, how do you create villain who can inflict more pain on Batman that what the Joker did in The Dark Knight? Yeah, well his special lady friend already got blown up. So that’s out the window. Most people believe the next villain will be the Riddler, the Penguin or Catwoman. All fine villains. Yet none as good as Two-Face or the Joker. And don’t expect a recasting of the Joker. No actor in the world has the balls to try to fill Ledger’s clown shoes. However, whatever actor decides to take on the villain role in the next installment better bring their best game. The Ledger comparisons are a certainty.

4. The Threequel Curse

Superstitious? Sure. And I don’t refute the “Threequel Curse” makes a dumb reason not to attempt a third film. But then I remember in horror Batman Forever, Blade: Trinity, X-Men: The Last Stand, Superman III and etc. (Quaker edit: and let's not forget POTC: At World's end. Eek.) There has never been a good part 3 in a comic-book movie franchise (although, I won’t deny enjoying Spider-Man 3 wut, but it’s a deeply flawed film). I say don’t tempt the cinema Gods.

3. The Inevitable Dumbass Villain-Guessing Game for the 4th Film

You know what the most annoying thing has been since the day after The Dark Knight opened? All the bullshit casting rumors - reported as legitimate fact - for the next installment’s villain. The avalanche of bullshit was slightly irritating after Batman Begins, but at least that was mostly between movie news sites. But holy Cher-as-Catwoman horseshit! After The Dark Knight all journalistic integrity belly-flopped off the ledge. Major news organizations were running with stories, such as Johnny Depp is the Riddler, despite the fact that the filmmakers haven’t created a story for the third film yet, much less begin offering roles to actors. And then I have to tell friends and family - who ask me, “Did you hear in the ‘New York Times’ that Burt Reynolds is playing Poison Ivy” - that they’re fucking idiots for believing such rubbish. And let me tell you, when they say they read it from a legit news source it’s much more difficult convincing them it’s hogwash, which means a migraine for yours truly.

2. How Can it Possibly Live Up to the Hype?

So everyone loved The Dark Knight. It made a billion dollars. There’s a good chance it will receive Oscar nominations in major categories. With that alone, the hype for the third one is nearly insurmountable. And it’s only going to snowball over the next few years. Christopher Nolan (assuming he is the director) will have to deliver a sure-fire masterpiece to please fans. And even if he does accomplish that, I’m certain many will still be disappointed. Nothing kills like overhype.

AND THE NUMBER ONE ISSSS...
DRUMROLL, PLEASE...
BUMDUMDUMDUMDUMDUMDUMDUMDUDUMMM....


1. We Don’t Even Need a Third Movie (THANK YOU)

While the The Dark Knight leaves a path open for a third story, it still provides closure on both a thematic and narrative level. Sure, Batman is the bad guy in the eyes of the police force, but that’s a common, continuing element of the Batman mythos, not necessarily a loose story thread. Shouldn’t we just be happy with the fact Nolan got it oh-so right in a one-two punch? What’s wrong with ending the story here? Absolutely nothing. If Warner Bros. announced tomorrow that they were pleased with the two films they got and weren’t bothering with a third one, I could live with that. Unfortunately, most could not.



The Batsauce

So what do you think, ONTD? Should they or should they not make a Batman 3? And if they do, what villain do you think should be in it? I'm only down for Batman 3 if Black Mask, AKA quite possibly the most underrated character in the DC Universe, is the villain; otherwise, no thank you.
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lone_concertina 22nd-Nov-2008 09:54 pm (UTC)
Yes, if only so people stop trying to cast the villains for it.
lone_concertina 22nd-Nov-2008 09:55 pm (UTC)
Also, Ventriloquist! The dude version, not the lame lady version.
sergeantquakers 22nd-Nov-2008 09:56 pm (UTC)
UGH, YES, I LOVED ARNOLD AND HATE PEYTON SO MUCH.
oakenshield 22nd-Nov-2008 09:54 pm (UTC)
According to Micheal Uslan, the producer of all the Batman films Chris Nolan and his team already have the third on planned and ready, they're just taking a break and working on other things. However I think if Uslan is on board for the the third it will be good, he says Nolan is one of the smartest men he's ever met.
xpirate_queenx 22nd-Nov-2008 09:54 pm (UTC)
Hey. The viral sites were cool.

Swear to God, if I see that stupid fucking Kristen Bell as Harley picture one more time, I will rip a puppy in half.
sergeantquakers 22nd-Nov-2008 09:56 pm (UTC)
Me too, bb, me too.
I just got the pictures from the source.
broken_enemy 22nd-Nov-2008 10:01 pm (UTC)
I haven't seen this picture.
vikingsmn 22nd-Nov-2008 10:04 pm (UTC)
If Kristen Bell was EVER cast as Harley, I would cut a bitch.
adeline_q 23rd-Nov-2008 12:36 pm (UTC)
mte.
she ruins everything
sugarcoating 22nd-Nov-2008 10:31 pm (UTC)
lol I thought you would be a fan!

I makes me lol and cringe more than anything.
gettingdrunkt 23rd-Nov-2008 12:13 am (UTC)
Leave the puppies out of this.
catatonique 23rd-Nov-2008 04:36 am (UTC)
I agree, on both counts.
Though the viral sites did make me slack off at work more than usual.
phallus 22nd-Nov-2008 09:55 pm (UTC)
I agree. I hate trilogies.
starrlitt Re: ~*~*nvr 4get u heath~*~22nd-Nov-2008 09:58 pm (UTC)
but cher is supposed to be catwoman!

swt_lil_gal Re: ~*~*nvr 4get u heath~*~22nd-Nov-2008 11:31 pm (UTC)
i totally read that in britney's voice
malidocious Re: ~*~*nvr 4get u heath~*~23rd-Nov-2008 09:38 pm (UTC)
as did I LOL
lillie_poo_pod 22nd-Nov-2008 09:56 pm (UTC)
I pretty much agree with this list. I don't want a third one to ruin everything.
ireadyou_right 22nd-Nov-2008 10:01 pm (UTC)
IT WON'T.
love_allure 22nd-Nov-2008 09:56 pm (UTC)
CHUT UP. I WANT BATMAN 3.
thirteenfluidoz 22nd-Nov-2008 09:56 pm (UTC)
ia with these reasons but I want a third movie more than I want world peace
foregaende 22nd-Nov-2008 10:15 pm (UTC)
Aww I lol'd.
flood_and_fire 22nd-Nov-2008 10:58 pm (UTC)
Your icon with that comment is just WIN.
dragonblk17 22nd-Nov-2008 09:56 pm (UTC)
I agree with this post. Please no third movie...The second one was epic enough, and it was a good ending. Leaves people guessing.
beingabotch22 22nd-Nov-2008 09:56 pm (UTC)
3rd movies always suck. There's no way Batman 3 could top TDK.
my_fresh_hell 22nd-Nov-2008 10:07 pm (UTC)
I must say I agree. Christian Bale's next flick should be a porn anyway :P
up_and_away1252 22nd-Nov-2008 10:23 pm (UTC)
iawtc
england88533 22nd-Nov-2008 09:57 pm (UTC)
It would really be hard to top TDK so yea maybe its better to just not even try
ex_jughoood 22nd-Nov-2008 09:57 pm (UTC)
i'm watching the dark knight right now and wow this movie and heath's performance are both overrated. i prefer tim burtons "batman returns"
sergeantquakers 22nd-Nov-2008 09:59 pm (UTC)
I love Burton's AND Nolan's. I prefer Batman Returns to Batman Begins, but idk, I think I might TDK more than BR.
And Schumacher's movies...well...I don't think I need to explain myself.
ex_jughoood 22nd-Nov-2008 10:02 pm (UTC)
yeah those films are sort of unwatchable :( i still half watch if theyre on tv though
headcaseheidi 22nd-Nov-2008 10:20 pm (UTC)
ia with this entirely.
ilovestarburst 22nd-Nov-2008 11:31 pm (UTC)
Exactly!
lalazizara 22nd-Nov-2008 10:00 pm (UTC)
i know what you mean. the joker role wasnt that chilling
hardcoresince3 22nd-Nov-2008 10:00 pm (UTC)
they're both great movies but very different. batman returns was pretty campy. TDK was more ~intense~
broken_enemy 22nd-Nov-2008 10:07 pm (UTC)
I don't like the Burton films that much.
sexlexia 22nd-Nov-2008 10:12 pm (UTC)
IAWTC.

Except with the bit about Batman Returns, because I don't like Tim Burton.
insaynejayne 22nd-Nov-2008 10:20 pm (UTC)
BR is the overrated movie tbh- I can't believe anyone can sit through that shit w/out feeling offended by the fuckery.
blackout_08 22nd-Nov-2008 10:37 pm (UTC)
thank you.
milkradio 22nd-Nov-2008 10:40 pm (UTC)
oh jughooood, you're so controversial
enema_recipe 23rd-Nov-2008 12:40 am (UTC)
I agree wholeheartedly.

It's good but not THAT good. And the writing is actually mediocre.
phnix_daft_mode 23rd-Nov-2008 02:21 am (UTC)
IA. TDK was good but not OMGAMAZING!!! Batman Returns is probably my favorite Batman movie, if not my favorite comic book movie.

Idk, it's just my personal opinion. I prefer Tim Burton's dark, campy, twisted view on Gotham City compared to Nolan's realistic one.
mickspick 23rd-Nov-2008 03:05 am (UTC)
THIS.
pukingmaggot 23rd-Nov-2008 04:05 pm (UTC)
YEAH HEATH WAS GOOD BUT NOT SUPER AMAZING. MY BIGGEST PROBLEM WITH THE NEW BATMAN FILMS IS WHEN BALE AS BATMAN DOES THAT WHISPER TALKING THING. IT MAKES ME WANT TO LAUGH EVERYTIME.
waterylights 22nd-Nov-2008 09:57 pm (UTC)
i honestly hope a third one isn't made. i don't think anything could top TDK, honestly. once you've had the joker, anything else will fall flat.
britneys 22nd-Nov-2008 09:57 pm (UTC)
I stopped reading after the second time they used "threequal". It's called a trilogy!
d0al 22nd-Nov-2008 10:40 pm (UTC)
I think "trilogy" is used to refer all three films. The autor is using "threequel" to refer the third movie alone.
britneys 22nd-Nov-2008 10:52 pm (UTC)
Oh duh. You're right. Though, threequel still isn't a word and I'm still annoyed by it.
sry42004 22nd-Nov-2008 09:57 pm (UTC)
tbh im trying to think of what i want from a 3rd film and i cant think of anything

i still wouldnt mind it though, obviously it wont live up to this, but i still enjoy watching them
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