ONTD

After a whirlwind month of snubbing her fame-enabling Grey’s Anatomy writers, the entire Academy of Television Arts & Sciences and anyone unlucky enough to get a whiff of her second-hand smoke, Katherine Heigl is somehow still idolized and worshiped by her emasculated husband Joshua Kelley. As we noted yesterday, Heigl spent most of Kelley’s weekend gig at Hotel Cafe shouting out requests for songs, songs which have all been recently altered to include the name Katie in place of any other girl’s name. But most disturbingly, the “rocker” reportedly overshared the fact that he had “curled her hair” before the show. And just how important is it that Kelley spend his pre-show time grooming his pompous pony? So important that he’s suffered third-degree burns and dehabilitated his ability to play the guitar, all in the name of love. The excruciating details, after the jump.

According to Us, Joshua is currently in the process of "learning how to do Katherine’s curlers…if you are wondering why my guitar sounds weird, it’s because I burnt my pinkie on the curlers." Burnt your pinkie? On a curling iron? Ok, it's one (admittedly sad) thing to have this happen to you, but it's another entirely to blab to US Weekly about it. If we were in his shoes, we would've made something up about burning it while barbequeing for the troops or, perhaps, during an intense freebasing sesh with Amy Winehouse. At this point, Joshua doesn't even need Katherine to emasculate him; he's doing just fine on his own, thankyouverymuch. Next thing we know, we'll be reading about how he suffered a nasty papercut while opening up a box of tampons. Joshua, at this point, there's only one way to save your ever-diminishing reputation. We've got two words for you. Cirque Lodge. Just ask Kirsten Dunst or Eva Mendes, they'll admit you in for just about anything, so long as your checks don't bounce.

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