25. "Assortment of adult magazines (i.e. Penthouse, Playboy, etc.)"
--Guns N' Roses
For the articles, of course. And if you believe that, we've got a 'Chinese Democracy' to sell you, too.
24. "Candles Diptyque – Tuberose, Figure, Heliotrope"
These posh French candles are priced around 50 bucks a pop, and this rider was a list of demands for a charity concert. You do the math.
23. "DAVE LOVES STINKY CHEESE"
Dave Grohl hasn't touched a joint since he was 20 years old, but present him with some gooey Gouda or moldy Gorgonzola, and he'll get the perfect pre-concert buzz going every time.
22. "One Wig Room"
Does the wig make the woman or does the woman make the wig? When the woman in question is Cher, the wigs carry enough clout to require the privacy of their own personal dressing room.
21. "MASSAGE: A female; Must have a relaxing/deep muscle massage in a hippy style!!! Must be ready to DO Peter at 6:20pm for 1 hour."
We're not positive, but we think "hippy" chicks would prefer to "DO" Peter a little earlier in the day. Say, 4:20?
20. "Two (2) Packs Zig Zag rolling papers (orange packaging)"
Not to be confused with the Zig Zag rolling papers with the white, red or blue packaging.
19. "One (1) Station wagon to meet Artist at point of arrival and departure"
On the list of things that positively rule about being famous, access to anything at any time of day ranks right at the top. Being chauffeured around in a five-star safety-rated mom-mobile does not.
18. "We require two (2) smartly dressed, well groomed hostesses"
--The Rolling Stones
In other words, women who subscribe to Keith Richards' style philosophy need not apply.
17. "NO ONIONS!! THEY STINK!!"
The sensitive singer whose entire career depends on making women weepy wants to ban the only vegetable that threatens to make him obsolete. Coincidence? We think not.
16. "Ms. Franklin's suite plus accommodations for security personnel, shall not be located above the 5th floor."
R-E-S-P-E-C-T the Queen of Soul's acrophobia or pay dearly. $25,000 in fact, which she also demands in cash money upon arrival at the venue.
15. "NO ANIMALS ARE ALLOWED IN THE BACKSTAGE AREA AT ANYTIME ... (IF THERE IS ... ALABAMA WILL NOT PERFORM.)"
Note to groupies: leave all poodles, pythons, parakeets, piranhas and porcupines at home.
14. "One (1) small bottle of Johnson & Johnson Baby Oil
24 long stem roses (TOTALLY DETHORNED) (sic)"
--LL Cool J
This rap star is known for 'Doin' It Well' and makes sure that his backstage bachelor pad is outfitted with the supplies for getting the deed done right.
13. "BIC type large lighters (preferably without child guards) NOT GREEN!"
--The Beach Boys
Everyone is going green these days, except for the Beach Boys.
12. "Two (2) Boxes of Corn Starch (VERY IMPORTANT!)"
--Nine Inch Nails
It thickens sauces, takes the sting out of bug bites and freshens carpets! But mostly it helps Trent Reznor squeeze his naughty bits into skin-tight vinyl pants.
11. "THERE IS TO BE NO BEEF ... IN THE VICINITY OF 50 CENT'S DRESSING OR CATERING ROOMS." --50 Cent
For a man that's been shot nine times and sparked feuds with everyone from Ja Rule to Kanye West, the irony here is almost unfair.
10. "All Willie Nelson engagements must be 'Smoke Free.'"
This must be a typo. No Willie Nelson concert in the history of Willie Nelson concerts has ever been smoke-free.
9. "This truly is very, very serious. No nuts. No mushrooms. No coffee. No mint. No chocolate. No shellfish." --Clay Aiken
The real question: How do the Claymates make it through the 'Idol' star's performance without nuts or mushrooms?
8. "No trees please! We want plants that are just as full on the bottom as the top such as bamboo, peace lilies, etc. No tree trunks!" --Paul McCartney
Dendrophobia is no laughing matter, folks. Unless it's implied in a rock icon's tour rider. Along with a penchant for sissy plants with pretty white petals.
7. "CRACK OIL MACHINE"
A new-fangled bit of illicit paraphernalia or an unfortunate typo? Only the fabulous Mr. George knows for sure.
6. "Dressing Room #1: One pack of magnum condoms
Dressing Room #2: One pack of men's white athletic socks (at least two pair)"
One half of Gnarls plays safely with others, while the other half plays all by himself.
5. "BACON VERY IMPORTANT THAT BACON BE AVAILABLE AT EVERY MEAL AND DURING DAY" --Metallica
This salty request was so important to the Bay Area metalheads that it was repeated three times.
4. "NO FISH ICE! If it had never happened, I wouldn't have to write this"
Oddly, she didn't say anything about dry, beef, pork, venison or chicken ice.
3. "Artist furthermore retains the right to distribute souvenir books (not programs) to the public free of charge. This book is the summary of Richard's moral belief." --Little Richard
Audience furthermore retains the right to leave souvenir books (not programs) scattered throughout the auditorium at the conclusion of the concert.
2. "All items in dressing room must be covered by clear plastic wrap until uncovered by main artist. This is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY." --Prince
The Purple One, referred to as the "Main Artist" throughout this rider, takes 'Let's Go Crazy' to another level with this germophobic request.
1. "No toy robots, television evangelists ... No plastic seahorses, no bailiwicks, crepescules (sic) or kooks." --Iggy Pop
"The Rock Iguana's" hilarious 18 pages of perplexing, meticulously detailed requests undoubtedly left venues around the world with dictionaries in hand and minds completely blown.
WTF is with Igy Pop's tits?