5:17 pm - 10/19/2007

35 Dumbest Sports Quotes Ever

If you take the guy literally, he’s actually right. The world will not end if the Boston Red Sox don’t win the ALCS. Something tells me that technicality is not a comfort to Red Sox nation.

If you have been trapped in a bubble over the past few days, let me explain. In an interview session at his locker, Manny Ramirez, Boston’s immensely talented but incredibly daft left fielder, made one of the dumbest public statements by an athlete of all time.
He told the group:
"We're not going to give up," Ramirez said. "It doesn't happen, so who cares? There's always next year. It's not like it's the end of the world."

You know, I get the whole “Manny being Manny” mantra, but even Diehard Manny fans can’t shrug this one off. How stupid does an athlete have to be to say something like that? Even if your millionaire ego feels that way, don’t you have to realize that the people who pay your salary—your fans—live and die with each pitch?


But it got me to thinking, how does Manny’s latest goof rank in the pantheon of dumb athlete comments? Answer: 35th. What are the top 34? I did the research. You guys can thank me later, but for now I give you the 35 dumbest comments ever made in the history of jockdom:

34. “For Who? For What?” – Ricky Watters.

And he said that in Philly, no less. After that, it was much more dangerous for Ricky to cross

Broad Street
than it was for him to go over the middle.

33. “I wanna kiss you. I couldn't care less about the team struggguulliing…We're looking to make a noise now and ... I wanna kiss you!”
– Joe Namath.

In Joe’s defense, who doesn’t want to kiss Suzy? She’s a cutie.

32. "The only thing that keeps this organization from being recognized as one of the finest in baseball is wins and losses at the major league level." – Devil Rays GM Chuck Lamar.

What? He makes a good point.

31. "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
Chuck Nevitt.

If you aren’t sure Chuck, I’m not sure the rest of us can be much help.

30. "I feel like I'm the best, but you're not going to get me to say that." – Jerry Rice.

Something tells me you say it often, Jerry.

29. "They should have focused more on me." – Sebastian Telfair on the ESPN documentary "Through the Fire" about him.

So true.

28. "The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can't say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Somebody actually saw Adam and Eve. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus Rex." – Carl Everett

Alright Carl, let’s not turn this into a holy war.

27. "Ray Lewis is the type of guy, if he were in a fight with a bear I wouldn't help him, I'd pour honey on him because he likes to fight. That's the type of guy Ray Lewis is." – Shannon Sharpe.

It’s hard to argue with that kind of sound logic, Shannon.

26. "I'm traveling to all 51 states to see who can stop 85." Chad Johnson.

I’m sure he was just supporting Puerto Rico’s statehood movement.

25. "Every time that I have ever tried to help a woman out, I have been incarcerated." Jose Canseco.

Here, here Jose. Here, here.

24. “I ain't gonna be no escape-goat!" Karl Malone.

23. "Roy Oswalt is a drop and drive pitcher. What is a drop and drive pitcher? He is a guy who drops and drives. Very simple." – Tim McCarver.

It is simple! I can’t believe I didn’t figure that out on my own.

22. "Cancer survivor." Lance Armstrong, on what he would like his tombstone to say.

21. "The only reason I don't like playing in the World Series is I can't watch myself play." – Reggie Jackson.

Reg has always been at his most likeable when he’s self-absorbed.

20. “I’m a !@%&ing soldier!” Kellen Winslow.

At least he didn’t say it at a time when real soldiers were putting their lives at risk overseas…oh wait.

19. "Well, David Eckstein, like most of us, has 20 digits. Ten fingers. Ten toes." –Tim McCarver.

Why does he have to single out “El Pulpa” and Count Rugen from “The Princess Bride” like that?

18. "Well, Rickey’s not one of them, so that’s 49 percent right there."
– Rickey Henderson on reports that 50 percent of ballplayers use steroids.

17. "The reason we call that pitch up and in is because the arms are attached to the shoulder." – Tim McCarver.

I still don’t get that one.

16. "He's one of the best power forwards of all-time. I take my hands off to him." Scottie Pippen.

Little-known fact: Scottie Pippen is a Mr. Potato Head Doll.

15. "I've had to overcome a lot of diversity." Drew Gooden.

Guess Drew is not a big fan of Title IX.

14. "Just tip my cap and call the Yankees my daddy." – Pedro.

13. "Yankee pitchers have had great success this year against Cabrera when they get him out." Tim McCarver.

This is one time I’m going to have to disagree with Tim.

12. "When you're rich, you don't write checks. Straight cash, homey." Randy Moss.

I hear that playa!

11. "This team is one execution away from being a very good basketball team." Doc Rivers.

I vote it be you, Doc.

10. "Having a record company and putting out my own CD. There's clothes and shoes. There's also an upcoming book deal that I'm trying to do. I'm trying to be positive. I'm a big fan of the Nobel Peace Prize." Ron Artest.

9. "All I'm asking for is what I want." Rickey Henderson

Sounds reasonable to me, Rick.

8. "The sun has been there for 500, 600 years ... " Mike Cameron.

7. "Don't say I don't get along with my teammates. I just don't get along with some of the guys on the team." Terrell Owens

So that’s what the definition of “is” is.

6. "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings." Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver.

5. "We're not attempting to circumcise rules." Bill Cowher.

If you do, make sure you get a good Mohel.

4. "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Joe Theismann.

Norman Einstein and you, Joe. Don’t forget about you.

3. "I don't think this is an example of life and limb being at risk. I like the fact that our fans care." Carmen Policy, after 10 Cleveland fans were arrested for throwing bottles onto the field.

2. "Left hand, right hand, it doesn't matter. I'm amphibious." Charles Shackleford.

You can read minds?!?

1. "I am the most ruthless, brutal champion ever. There is no one who can match me. I want your heart. I want to eat your children." Mike Tyson.

You’re still the greatest, Mike.


The comments are not mine

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kerrence 19th-Oct-2007 09:24 pm (UTC)
Tim McCarver: the new, less cool Yogi Berra.
chapel_noir 19th-Oct-2007 09:36 pm (UTC)
who is that in your icon?
kerrence 19th-Oct-2007 11:01 pm (UTC)
Mike Nelson, from MST3K
janehex 19th-Oct-2007 09:25 pm (UTC)
All 35 of these could have been McCarver. He is a moron.
lisa7773 19th-Oct-2007 09:29 pm (UTC)
myakuraku 19th-Oct-2007 11:17 pm (UTC)
Icon love :3
t3pps 19th-Oct-2007 09:32 pm (UTC)
he is! the best thing about him is when deion sanders threw that water on him.
velocityofsound 19th-Oct-2007 09:45 pm (UTC)
LMAO, that was my first thought as well.
lolz 19th-Oct-2007 09:27 pm (UTC)
I live in Mass and I'm not a Red Sox fan. I don't like Manny but I think people are taking his quote out of context. I think it's great he says "Who cares if we don't win. We'll live." Good! That's how it should be. It IS only a game and you will survive if you lose.
catwoman 19th-Oct-2007 09:33 pm (UTC)
crazchica 19th-Oct-2007 09:41 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I agree. I hadn't heard anything about that quote until just now, but I spent a good few minutes reading it and trying to see what, exactly, was so dumb about it. It IS just a game!
lolz 19th-Oct-2007 09:44 pm (UTC)
I think he just said it recently, during the play off's. They were going on about it during yesterday's game. I think it's good to see a player say that. Just because your fans want to kill themselves because of a loss doesn't mean you should want to.

People like hime should coach little league. Not these crazy ass fathers who never got to play in school and have to live out their football/baseball/whatever fantasies on their kids.
pythianlegume7 19th-Oct-2007 09:42 pm (UTC)
I agree, and I AM a Red Sox fan. He's not saying he's not going to try his hardest, he's just saying its not the end of the world if they lose.
oursouls 19th-Oct-2007 10:10 pm (UTC)
iawtc and i do live in mass and am a red sox fan, they are completely blowing it up.
victory_goddess 19th-Oct-2007 10:25 pm (UTC)
Yeah, people are taking it like he'd just go on the field and not try to win, obviously he wants to win, but he's right, if they don't it's not the end of the world.
laurynx0 20th-Oct-2007 12:52 am (UTC)
Yeah, but Manny is being a complete dick lately about everything. I don't blame people for jumping on it. We get it Manny, you want to get traded. Just STFU and play until you are.
deathbytamarind 20th-Oct-2007 02:47 am (UTC)
It's almost too zen for him.
janehex 19th-Oct-2007 09:29 pm (UTC)
They forgot one of the best ones:

“I told you I needed to feed my family. They offered me 3 years at $21 million. That’s not going to cut it." -- Latrell Sprewell
t3pps 19th-Oct-2007 09:32 pm (UTC)
omg i LOVEd that one. dammit that was on oversight!
catwoman 19th-Oct-2007 09:30 pm (UTC)
yeah. lets hate on manny for saying what he said, but glorify folks like barry bonds ;)

i don't get why everyone is blowing what he said up so much. it isn't the end of the world if you lose a baseball game. honestly. lol

just my opinion though.
lisa7773 19th-Oct-2007 09:30 pm (UTC)
"I am the most ruthless, brutal champion ever. There is no one who can match me. I want your heart. I want to eat your children."

chapel_noir 19th-Oct-2007 09:33 pm (UTC)
That quote is gold. I can totally picture Mike Tyson hiding in some kid's closet and then coming out when the kid is about to sleep.

Who needs the boogieman when you have Mike Tyson?
autophanous 19th-Oct-2007 09:40 pm (UTC)
hahahaha I wish footage of that actually existed. I can see it as this awesome animated gif, for some reason.

maybe someone can do it in a mike tyson mask.
selphiebooyaka 19th-Oct-2007 09:56 pm (UTC)
What amused me the most about that though are the words + Mike Tyson's voice.

t3pps 19th-Oct-2007 09:31 pm (UTC)
Great list but they should have included these gems:

Mike Tyson- " I don't know what I'm going to do now. I'll probably just fade into Bolivion".
Jason Kidd- ""We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
and my beloved Alex Rodriguez- "Therapy can be a good thing; it can be therapeutic."
lilybling 19th-Oct-2007 09:44 pm (UTC)
these ftw except for the Norman Einstein one.
t3pps 20th-Oct-2007 04:17 am (UTC)
ikr. i can't believe they left it off.
existless 19th-Oct-2007 09:31 pm (UTC)
i think mike tyson more so wants the ability to have children than to eat them.
licensed 19th-Oct-2007 09:33 pm (UTC)
allstar12 19th-Oct-2007 09:33 pm (UTC)
Manny Ramirez, Boston’s immensely talented but incredibly daft left fielder

Uh, immensely talented..? What Manny Ramirez are they talking about.
queen_norleans 19th-Oct-2007 09:53 pm (UTC)
As a hitter, he is immensely talented.

He has amazing presence at the plate and has an unbelievable eye.
allstar12 19th-Oct-2007 10:26 pm (UTC)
Ive noticed that. He's very good hitter; as an outfielder, not so much. IMO anyway.
spin_doctor 20th-Oct-2007 08:21 pm (UTC)
have you been living under a rock for the last, oh, 12 postseasons??
tinuhhh 19th-Oct-2007 09:34 pm (UTC)
lmfao i want to eat your children. nice.
songsinmypocket 19th-Oct-2007 09:34 pm (UTC)
I don't get your comment on #5
songsinmypocket 19th-Oct-2007 09:34 pm (UTC)
Sorry #2! #2!

I don't get your comment on #2.
chapel_noir 19th-Oct-2007 09:35 pm (UTC)
the comments aren't mine, it's from the site.
crazybrewersfan 19th-Oct-2007 09:43 pm (UTC)
The writer is pretending to think ambidextrous (the real word shackleford meant to use) means clairvoyant. I think it's a joke from a movie or something.
g_dilly 19th-Oct-2007 09:34 pm (UTC)
12. "When you're rich, you don't write checks. Straight cash, homey." – Randy Moss.

LMFAO I love you Randy Moss!!!
Brady/Moss OTP!!!
wavescrashed 19th-Oct-2007 11:16 pm (UTC)
hahah. agreed!
lilybling 19th-Oct-2007 09:35 pm (UTC)
there's a reason you got that college baseball scholarship and not early acceptance into grad school...so stfu and PLAY.
caucasianplease 19th-Oct-2007 09:37 pm (UTC)
22. "Cancer survivor." – Lance Armstrong, on what he would like his tombstone to say.

Why is this dumb?
lilybling 19th-Oct-2007 09:42 pm (UTC)
it's just funny as hell especially to anyone not familiar with him they'll see that tombstone one day and be like you beat cancer? but you're DEAD. idk how to explain it it's just funny.
kaitlin__ 19th-Oct-2007 09:46 pm (UTC)
yeah, i don't think that's dumb. i think he's trying to say that he hopes to live his life to an old age and die naturally, and not succumb to cancer.
djador 19th-Oct-2007 09:53 pm (UTC)
because he'll be dead.
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